Female Bonding
by csigal1976
Summary: a little friendly girl bonding in Ten Forward!


Female Bonding

A story I wrote for a different TV show, tweaked a bit to fit St:TNG. Enjoy!

Deanna Troi and Beverly Crusher sat in Ten Forward, at a table in the corner, sipping their drinks and discussing the boredom their most recent space travel had afforded.

"If I stare at this file for one more minute, I swear, I am going to go blind," Deanna exclaimed, throwing the datapad on the table in front of her. She picked up her cup and brought it to her lips, only to find it empty. She threw Guinan a knowing wave, requesting another.

"I know what you mean. I have been sitting here staring at the same medical research for so long that my ass is numb. You know, how unfair is it that the boys are all planetside right now, in a virtual utopia, while we have been stuck up here bored out of our minds for the last two weeks?" Adding her datapad of research to the growing pile that Deanna was creating, Beverly pulled a smaller pad slyly from her bag with a smirk.

"Whatcha reading?"

"A monthly periodical from Earth. I LOVED it when I was younger. It has been around forever, really. It's called Cosmo. I found it in sickbay earlier today. I hadn't seen it in years! I thought it was Alyssa's, but I saw Data's electronic signature in the subscription file."

"Data? You're joking! I would have pegged him more as a Statistical Analysis reader. Very _interesting_. Maybe that's what has inspired some of his more ~ahem~ inappropriate questions regarding human copulation recently."

"Maybe. Although, I can't imagine why Data would want to read things like...hmmm...ah, here we go. Page 67. 'What kind of ass does your man have?' "

"Gods! How funny," Deanna replied. "Let me see that." Returning to her seat across from Beverly, Deanna took the article and scanned it.

At Deanna's intermittent chuckles, Beverly finally asked, "Okay, what gives? Surely the article can't be that funny."

"Oh, it's kind of funny. But, it actually reminded me of something my mother once told me. Mother used to say that you could always tell the size if a man's...well, you know...his...anyway, she said that you could tell how *large* a man was by the kind of behind he had."

At Beverly's raised eyebrows, Deanna continued. "You see, she said that the mass was only distributed on one side. So, if the man in question had no butt whatsoever, then he had a large penis," Deanna stated with a smile.

"And conversely, " Beverly supplied, "If the guy has too much junk in his trunk, he's a Tiny Tim? That is so funny! You know...hmmm...I think your mother is right. It certainly applied to Jack. And a few other choice butts that come to mind. What do you think? Is your mother wise beyond her years?"

"I have no idea."

"And, now that you mention it, it really does seem to hold true. One of my first serious boyfriends before Jack...HUGE ass. Total baseball player butt. Looked great in his sliding pants. But…small package."

At that moment, Worf, Commander Riker, and Captain Picard all filed into Ten Forward, apparently back from their utopian excursions. Oblivious to the women watching from the corner, the men walked over and seated themselves at the bar, ordering drinks- leaving the women with quite a view.

Finally, drink in hand, Worf turned and was the first to address them. "The mission is finally behind us."

At that, both women erupted in a fit of laughter. Five minutes later, when they had both finally settled down, the men stood, perplexed. Not one of the men, however, managed to pry any information out of them. Perplexed and annoyed, the three left to address an issue in engineering.

"Oh my God! That was so damned funny!" Deanna laughed.

"Tell me about it. How ironic. So...what do you think?"

"About what?"

"Oh, come on Dea. You know what I mean."

"OKay, okay. Well, um...poor Worf," she laughed. "He definitely has a large rear."

"No kidding...but, at least the Klingon charm helps make up for it." With that, they erupted in another fit of laughter. " And, hello, did you see the Captain? He definitely has an ass, but it's not that big, not that small."

"Mmm hmm. Just right. Guess that applies to the other side as well. But, you would know more about that than me…" Deanna teased.

"Damn, I really should have pursued him more a long time ago. So..uh...I saw you checking out Riker's ass."

"I did *not* check out Riker's ass. I've seen it before. And the other side, for that matter. I have no reason to check it out."

"Girl, please. I saw you. You just had to confirm what you knew already...or at least what you remembered. Hell, I even snuck a peak myself."

"Really. And?"

"Um...Dea...Will has *no ass*. At all."

"I _know_. And from what I remember, the article was accurate."

Beverly thought for a second and looked up at Deanna with a smile. "I think that you need to do a little empirical research. Find out if our theory holds up, not just rely on memories. You know, Will would be more than willing to help you. He's always up for science. No pun intended."

"Beverly" Deanna shrieked. "I can't believe you just said that."

At that moment, they noticed that Will had returned to Ten Forward.

"What was that I heard about 'Will' and research?"

"Nothing. Nothing, Will. Bev is just bored and causing trouble. Ignore her," Deanna quickly supplied.

Deanna then got up and dragged Beverly from Ten Forward before she had a chance to embarrass her any further.

Sitting where the two women had previously been, Will scanned the table and picked up the Cosmo datapad. It had been opened to an article on men's asses. He briefly scanned the article and chuckled as he read. The author even included a blurb stating that she believed the butt of a man spoke volumes. It could even give you insight into the size of a man. Will read with fascination as the author told that men with small butts had large penises, and vice versa. Will smiled to himself and two thoughts occurred to him. First, no wonder Deanna and Beverly were laughing at them. And second, the author *must* have done her research. ;-)


End file.
